Sunday, September 11, 2011

Then and Now.

Ten years ago I was in my second year of college. Staying up all night and rarely going to class. Living in the first of many rental houses. Sleeping off hangovers and eating frozen pizza on the kitchen floor with my roommates.

Today, I am married with two children. We own a house, a dog and a mini van. I am up all night with a baby who thinks sleeping through the night is overrated.

Ten years ago I woke up late and ran out the door for class, American Lit II.

Today, I woke up early, got myself ready and then the girls, and raced out the door for the first day of Sunday school.

Ten years ago I heard a guy on the radio say that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center in New York. I thought he was joking.

Today, I didn't hear the guy on the radio talking because I was too busy answering the million questions a three year old can throw at you in a 9 minute car ride.

Ten years ago I walked into my classroom and the buzz of conversation. Plane crash, attack, New York City, terrorist were all I could make out. Chaos ensued as we gathered around the nearest TV.

Today, I walked into a classroom and the buzz of preschoolers, singing and snack. A different kind of chaos ensued.

Ten years ago my heart raced and my stomach sank as I watched the footage of the plane crashes and realized it was not a joke.

Today, my heart swelled with pride as I watched my girls play with their friends and sing songs of love.

Ten years ago I started to panic as I realized my mom was in New York City. And there was a plane crash. An attack. And I didn't know where she was.

Today, I calmed my panicking three year old and told her that yes, Grandma would love to walk to the coffee shop with us later this week and no, she won't be at the cabin forever.

Ten years ago I hit redial over and over and over again, willing my mom to answer her cell phone. Panicking a little more whenever my phone rang and it wasn't her. When she finally called me later that morning to tell me she was ok (and across the river in Newark for business training), I sat down and cried tears of relief. 

Today, I plan on calling my mom to tell her I am thinking of her but first I have to put someone down for nap,start a load of laundry and make lunch. If I don't get to it today, I know I can tomorrow.

I cry tears of sadness as I think back on that horrific day. But I also cry tears of gratitude. I was lucky. I received an "I'm ok" phone call. Thinking of all the people who didn't and never would, breaks my heart.

While I am different person now than I was ten years ago, I will never forget the thoughts, feelings and horror of September 11, 2001. 

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